Three Articles

I was returning home from my internship by train, which was something I later found myself to regret. Saying Mumbai locals are filled with people is synonymous to saying that Suresh Kalmadi is a liar. Go during the right time, and there won’t be enough room for your chest hair to stand up straight. After being violated by hundreds of Mumbaikars and their bags, I went to only place that I believed could grant me some solace and serenity-a vada pav stall. I then returned home, feeling happy with the little lives I had changed today through law and picked up the newspaper. As I read it, I lost faith in law faster than Miley Stewart gets laid.

Juvenile? Are you fucking 'kid'ding me?
On the very first page I read about how a ‘juvenile’ of about 17-20 years of age (age wasn't able to be definitely determined) was let of the hook for raping a minor. I just hope my college mates back in Delhi don’t happen to read the article, for obvious reasons. What makes this news worst that he cut the body part into pieces and threw them into different public toilets.

The Other Side

Returning from my hostel after months of isolation, alienation and separation, I returned to my birth place. The first glorious face, which I saw the moment I came out of my train station, refreshed all my childhood memories and times in this awesome city. It was my driver’s. I sat down in my car, and we started talking about my newly acquired French beard (oh yes, imma bragging!). It then, eventually reached to the most talked about event in India presently, the Delhi rape case. Now before you close down this window thinking this article to be more about how wrong rapists are and how their groins should be torn out in the public, let me say that this one is absolutely different. This is the other side of the story. From the mouth of my driver, who has lived among people who believe that rape incidents occur because of the girl’s doings. And he justified it quite well too. I hope you comprehend this side well.

Come Back With The Kohinoor, If Not A Medal!

Please stop reading this blog. No, seriously. It doesn’t offer magic fixes, and it will not bring about a change in the country you and I live in. Nor will it stop the hockey players from sucking on the field. Its really sad, we regard Hockey as our national game but lose disgracefully in tournaments. We just can't blame the players for the blemish, the Indian Hockey Federation is equally responsible for the comedown of the game. We all know how well they treat our players. 

Child 1 from Punjab : When I win the Hockey world cup for India I will take off the t-shirt just like Ganguly did!!

Child 2 : You think they will give you t-shirts?

First we win the cricket world cup, suck against England, then do Sri Lanka at their home, all we can interpret is that the game-setters are doing well. Indians can never be consistent at sports unless the walkover-bridge to the stadium collapses (Courtesy: Suresh Kalmadi). Maybe that’s how we succeeded in securing a hundred and one medals at the disgraceful Commonwealth Games. Or we should just thank the queen for not ruling China.

Olympics is the most loved game by India if you don't give a fuck about the Cricket World Cup, the English Premier League, FIFA World Cup, F1, IPL, Ranji Trophy, Deodhar Trophy, Shivaji Park Bat Ball, Dharavi Chawl Gully Cricket, Dhyan Vidyapeeth Khel Utsav.

Touch Me Not? Seriously?

My daily schedule is something like this : Brush; Shit; Bath (alternative weeks); Leave for college; Abuse rickshaw walas, Keep abusing.....

Mumbaikars feeling towards the rick walas is not so bad its just like America’s feeling towards Iraq! The acrimony increased when the rates of the minimum fare was raised from Rs 9 to Rs.11 and then to Rs.12. Now a word is around that the price is going to touch Rs.14. To those who don’t know, the rumor is true. 

I did a detail research on the particular topic. Full of insightful discussions and debates with the bhaiyas, who don’t know the meaning of these words! And after days of rickshaw travels, spending almost all my pocket money in the process, and hours of talks, I came to a conclusion that, rickshaw walas are one group of bizarre people. They can go just on and on! Although that did play to my benefit. I made two of them confess that all rick walas rig their meters. So ironically, the "touch me not" meters are not just touched, but fucked by the rick walas! Maybe that’s precisely why, the government of India has given orders to change the old black meters with the new electronic ones.  Now you don’t need your phone to see the fare during the night.

The Mystery Of The Miraculous Letter

Yesterday, in what will seem like a miracle to most of the Indians, Mamata Banerjee supported an idea of Congress! Can you believe it? She now backs Pranab Mukherjee as the president of India. This miraculous event occurred after Pranab sent a letter to Mamata. Now, it got us all wondering what was in that mysterious letter which changed Mamata’s mind. In our opinion the letter would have been something like this.

"My dearest Mamata,
Hi, hope your liabilities are none and assets are fine as always. I am writing this letter to make you realize that we both are not very different. Our objective is the same, screw India and I have been committed to this object ever since I took the oath as a minister. If I become the president of India, imagine the ways in which we can screw the nation together. Just like that night I screwed into you, believe me sweet heart, the positions will be far more innovative this time. And hey, I need my Kamasutra book back. I have a date with Mayawati next week.

And dear, i have supported you throughout na? When you removed Dinesh Trivedi from post, refuted against FDI and also all your allegations towards CPI (m), when they drew cartoons, spoke freely, sneezed, breathed. Hence all I wish to ask is, why this kolaveri “DIDI”??

Bow Down To Her, Then Rape Her?

I remember my friend saying this when we had gone to fetch him from the airport, “I went to Delhi searching for sex. But had to return empty handed. They are not accustomed to having sex by free consent you see”. My first impulse was to laugh. But now when I think about this, a serious concern hides behind the humour of that joke.

The concern I am talking about, was extensively displayed in the gruesome incident which occurred at Guwahati, Assam. A school girl was molested and tried to be raped by 40 people outside a bar. A number of ironies follow this incident. For one, Guwahati is a place where they don’t worship gods and only believe in goddesses. Secondly, If a woman is married, she cannot bring even a piece of cloth with her. The dowry system is nonexistent. Yes, it was on this land that a school girl was shamelessly and publicly violated. Raising a question, how safe is India for a woman?